So yesterday was supposed to be my last day at YPL..."Supposed" because they actually want me back for another 2 and a half weeks next month for half a day...I wasnt expecting it though the crustacean had warned me many a times before that a return was very likely...Guess i was looking foward to a month of rest and relaxation...Nonetheless, i am grateful cos i kinda need the $$, what with christmas coming and all...Also, i doubt i will be able to sit still after 3 days...

This year's batch of kids were generally much more cooperative and serious in their studies than the past 2 years...I realli enjoyed teaching most of them-save for the last 2 weeks when they completely switched off. But i guess i won't realli miss anything about this experience...I'm the sort of person who tries to maintain a professional distance such that there is a clear divide between my private and working life...Also, no matter what, work will be work and teaching there for hours on end is no laughing matter. Some of the kids also expect to be constantly entertained such that sometimes i feel like a circus clown rather than a teacher.

But i do like this batch of kids a lot and the working environment at YPL is great...The other teachers there are very supportive and helpful and i am very grateful to them for that. Anyways, here are some photos:

It feels good to be remembered and to know that you are in the thoughts of someone else...Thank you QL and Christine-My soulmate and best (BUT NOT ONLY) fren...

More Spain Photos

All in all it was a gr8 trip though there was a lot of travelling...Some days we did nothing but sit on the bus till our butts hurt...But it was nice to juz get out of the country and spend time with the family...Needless to say, i love travelling...Gr8 form of escapism...No worries, no cares, no work...THat's the life...YEH!

Spain

Some photos i took while on the bus in Spain...Bus rides lasted 8 hours on some days but it was great to just look out of the window and see nothing but sky and vast expanses of land...

Stella's Birthday

Went to Kushinbo to celebrate Stel's birthday...Couples' nite out...Had a gr8 time...I think we all got along well...Was especially comical when Christine tried to eat dragonfruit with the skin still on...Furthermore, just a while before she popped the entire thing in her mouth, she had called me stupid 4 getting the fruit mixed up with beetroot...Well, at least i wasnt the one wondering why the fruit was so hard and chewy to eat...The girl also couldnt tell the difference between soba and sorbert...So stoooooopid! heh heh...Anyways, here are the photos:

Above: Cheryl and Erwin win the award for being the most kiasu couple hands down...Cheryl took 2 plates with about 10 crab legs each and 3 plates of dessert while Erwin would rush to the counter everytime the annoying Kushinbo theme song played to inform diners about some limited delicacy being offered to the 1st 25 customers...

Above: Stell and Cai both went for some kind of makeover...They look better though of course, still not as good as me and Chris...

Below: I'm pretty sure Cheryl was high on something last nite...Either then that, my charm, wit and humour must have really gotten to her...As a consolation to Erwin, who mite view me as a threat, Christine is quite smitten by your moles...I had to use my blow dart with tranquilizer-tipped arrow to get her to quieten down...Next time, i'm bringing my harpoon...

The end...

Peppy passed away last night...

When i got home y'day afternoon, he still seemed ok...But by evening, he had begun crying and whining in pain...There was even a time when he started gasping for air and had a fit...That was when i knew it was time for him to go...Needless to say, it was all extremely painful to watch and i was pissed with my mum who wanted to wait till the next day so that he mite haf a chance to pass on naturally and because the fee would have been $100 cheaper...

The very frustrating thing was that she had not been around to hear him crying and whining and so did not really know the severity of the state that Peppy was in...I, on the other hand, was there the whole time...Had tried to convince her to change her mind but she just told me to leave him alone...Maybe i din make myself clear or din sound decisive enough (as she put it)...But there are some things in life where the signs and signals are clear enough and do not need any spelling out...

Long story short, by the time we all agreed to send him, it was about 9pm...So we had to bring Pep to the 24h clinic at Whitley road...By then, Peppy had foamed at the mouth, shitted in his blankie and was too weak to lift his head...I cradled him in my arms as my mum drove all the way down to the place...Then, i was more relieved than sad because i knew that his suffering and pain would be coming to an end soon...The misery of seeing a loved one suffer is indescribable and inexplicable...When we finally arrived at Jame's veterinarian, Peppy was half-dead...They placed him on a metal table and injected him with some sedatives to make him groggy...I have a strange feeling that "putting him to sleep" isn't at all the painless "die-in-your-sleep" ideal that most of us have...After that, the vet told us to wait outside while he injected Pep with the "poison"...When i next saw him again, he was lying motionless on the metal table with his eyes half open...I guess that's why i dun think he died "in his sleep" as he was supposed to...But i guess at least, it was a faster death than a natural one...

I din cry at all then...Like i said, i was more relieved than sad...But it was when i was about to sleep and all the thoughts and memories of him came flooding back that i started to cry...again...My parents told me not to let my emotions get the better of me but the truth is i don't think i do...And anyway, what's wrong with grieving? Besides, it's not like i've stopped eating or gg to work or am losing sleep...I dun know what they meant by that comment at all...And i'm sure they weep secretly when no one's around too...

For the most part, i'm ok when i'm working and not at home...I've been blessed with an excellent class that makes me laugh and feel good about myself...But it's really those times when i'm at home that i'm beginning to dread...Just looking at the spot where he used to sleep stirs up an inconsolable sadness in me...I've turned photo frames bearing his photos face down so i won't be reminded of him...But its the time before i sleep that is the worst...I start remembering his scruffy little face with big black eyes, his cute little black padded paws, him headbutting my thighs as i sayang him, him climbing all the way to the 3rd floor to look for me, him sniffing at my door to wake me up for breakfast, his nice unique smell etc. and the tears just keep coming...

I hope i get over his death quickly...I thot i would be ok and that his death would spell the end...But i guess i'm not that strong after all...This one's gonna bruise...

I will see you again someday baby...

Peppy 2

Today, i came home very ready to send Peppy to the vet to put him to sleep...I kinda hit saturation point emotionally and was honestly quite ready to move on...This was further fuelled by the knowledge that he had not eaten nor drank anything for about 2 whole days now...And as i was telling Charmaine (EL), i drew some comfort from the fact that Peppy kinda has dementia and can't seem to recognize any of us anymore...

Then, just as we were lifting him up to go, he started whining loudly and struggling violently to break free...Things which he had not done in a long while now...My mum then put him down and he immediately peed...I was and am convinced that he knew what was happening and was afraid...We got in the car with me cradling Peppy in my arms while he continued to struggle and cry...As i stroked him and tried to comfort him i really questioned if today was the day that he was meant to go...In fact i was quite sure it wasnt and began suggesting that maybe it would be a better idea to just let him be for a little while longer...I din want to take him b4 his time but my parents were adamant that we bring him tonite cos they din want him to suffer and like me, were eager to move on...

So herein lies the dilemma...Leave him and let him pass on naturally or put him out before things get even worse...At first i was quite certain about the latter option, but having gone through what i just did, i'm now even more sure that the former is better...It's a life we're talking about here, even if it's just a dog's. Furthermore, to us, he's family...Hence, the matter shouldn't be simply treated as a problem that should be resolved asap...

In the end, as we were reaching the clinic, i prayed for a miracle...And guess what? My mum went in and came out saying that the nurse had told her to return another day cos it was too crowded...I was dam happy to say the least...Peppy didnt want to go and God din want to take him yet too!

I guess at this point, i've pretty much accepted e fact that he would have to go someday and that that day is probably very soon but i've decided that i will NOT put him to sleep till it becomes very clear that he is ready...Even if it means feeling down for however long it takes...I will not be so selfish...It is after all, his life not mine...