Peppy 2

Today, i came home very ready to send Peppy to the vet to put him to sleep...I kinda hit saturation point emotionally and was honestly quite ready to move on...This was further fuelled by the knowledge that he had not eaten nor drank anything for about 2 whole days now...And as i was telling Charmaine (EL), i drew some comfort from the fact that Peppy kinda has dementia and can't seem to recognize any of us anymore...

Then, just as we were lifting him up to go, he started whining loudly and struggling violently to break free...Things which he had not done in a long while now...My mum then put him down and he immediately peed...I was and am convinced that he knew what was happening and was afraid...We got in the car with me cradling Peppy in my arms while he continued to struggle and cry...As i stroked him and tried to comfort him i really questioned if today was the day that he was meant to go...In fact i was quite sure it wasnt and began suggesting that maybe it would be a better idea to just let him be for a little while longer...I din want to take him b4 his time but my parents were adamant that we bring him tonite cos they din want him to suffer and like me, were eager to move on...

So herein lies the dilemma...Leave him and let him pass on naturally or put him out before things get even worse...At first i was quite certain about the latter option, but having gone through what i just did, i'm now even more sure that the former is better...It's a life we're talking about here, even if it's just a dog's. Furthermore, to us, he's family...Hence, the matter shouldn't be simply treated as a problem that should be resolved asap...

In the end, as we were reaching the clinic, i prayed for a miracle...And guess what? My mum went in and came out saying that the nurse had told her to return another day cos it was too crowded...I was dam happy to say the least...Peppy didnt want to go and God din want to take him yet too!

I guess at this point, i've pretty much accepted e fact that he would have to go someday and that that day is probably very soon but i've decided that i will NOT put him to sleep till it becomes very clear that he is ready...Even if it means feeling down for however long it takes...I will not be so selfish...It is after all, his life not mine...