How to Talk Like a Man 1101E

1. Don't talk too much...It may not be true that women actualli talk more than men but many people still subscribe to this belief...

2. Speak in a low voice...Low like Liang Cai...Cai's is the epitome of the hegemonic masculine voice...
3. Minimal fluctuations in tone...
4. Sound certain and determined even if you dun know what the heck you're talking about...(No "i think...", "i feel", "errmmmm...")

5. Single-word responses are most desirable...

6. Laughing is okay but make sure it's done in a low, manly pitch (*low-pitched* hahaha or Har Har Har...Never ever *high-pitched* hee hee hee). Also, dun ever giggle...Giggling is for school-girls with pig-tails and freckles...

7. Never over-emote, never appear over-excited even though you are...A bomb may explode in front of you, and the most you can say is "Shit". If you find a $1000 bill on the ground, say "wow" or dun even say anything..."OMG!" is strictly for sissies...

8. Also be selective about what you show emotions about...If Sue tells you that Jane just broke up with Peter, "ugh", "so?" or "i dun care" are ideal responses...Never exclaim "OMG!", "really?" or "TELL ME MORE!" even though u may, which you realli shouldnt unless you're gay, be dying to find out...

9. Swearing is highly recommeneded...Shows others how tough and macho you are...

10. Use of intensifiers that betray too much emotion should be kept to a minimal...Try not to use "very" as in "very happy" or "very very happy" or "extremely" and the like...

11. Topics wise, soccer, beer, cars and babes are most welcome...Start talking about fashion or desperate housewives and you're toast...make that GAY toast...

To be continued...